Money Smart Kids
In Praise of Mean Parenting
Don't be afraid to say no to your kids, even if it makes you unpopular.
By Janet Bodnar, Editor, Kiplinger's Personal Finance
January 16, 2008
Let's hear it for mean parents:
Des Moines mother Jane Hambleton recently made headlines by selling her teenage son's car after she found alcohol under the front seat. "Totally uncool parents, who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car," read Hambleton's newspaper ad. "Call meanest mom on the planet."
Writing in the Wall Street Journal, Stephen Moore lamented that his two teenage sons were so addicted to video games that they exhibited "classic withdrawal symptoms" when Mom and Dad tried to limit screen time. Moore was proud to report that he had rejected his 6-year-old son's pleas for a PlayStation. "He pouts that we're the meanest parents in the world," Moore wrote.
It speaks volumes for the state of parenthood today that Hambleton's stand is considered newsworthy, or that Moore feels isolated in his refusal to buy his son a video game system when "Wii's were such hot sellers that they weren't available at any price." But there are plenty of us meanies around.
When my kids were younger and Nintendo was a novelty, I held out on buying any system until John, the oldest of my three children, was in eighth grade. That first PlayStation turned out to be one of the greatest Christmas surprises in our family (my kids couldn't believe I had caved). And by that time John had gotten over his earlier fascination. He enjoyed playing games, but was never addicted.
Peter, my youngest, was much more into games; every year several of them turned up on his Christmas list. Until this year. Now a college freshman, Peter e-mailed me his Christmas list, which included a boom box, sweatpants and several DVDs.
"What, no video games?" I e-mailed back. "All the new games are for PlayStation 3 or Xbox 360, neither of which I have," Peter responded. "I play them when they're around, but they're not worth the money I'd have to shell out for them."
"You mean you're not hankering for a Wii?" I replied, practically offering to buy him one. "I don't dislike the Wii," he wrote. "I just wouldn't spend money on it."
Well, if Peter wouldn't spend his money, why should I spend mine? Maybe it was years of managing his own money, or losing interest as he got older-or maybe he just didn't get my hints. But, as he put it, "it seems that video games have passed me by."
The moral of the story, which I've learned from 15 years of writing about kids and money, talking to hundreds of parents, and raising my own children: Parents have power. You have more influence on your kids than their peers or the media. Don't be afraid to say no or to intervene.
And you'll get lots of moral support from the rest of us meanies.
Reader Comments (2)
Posted by: Scott at 01/16/2008 03:19:11 PM
When my son repeatedly refused to stop wearing his socks outside I gave him an ultimatum. Wear shoes or buy your own socks. Not long after while shopping at a local department store he dropped a package of socks into the cart. When I refused to purchase them he complained and stormed away to put the package back on the shelf. He now buys his own socks and, interestingly enough, they seem to last a heck of a lot longer.
Posted by: Amanda at 01/16/2008 11:34:36 PM
I'm the product of "mean parents," who didn't cave in to purchasing a television until I was in 6th grade (1991). Even then, it was severely limited (select Olympic events, noteworthy news, the OCCASIONAL video, etc.) 16 years later, I say "Thanks Mom!" I enjoy TV and video games, but I can easily set them aside and do other things. I actually prefer a good book in my purse to a Gameboy or other electronic toy to pass the time when I'm out and about, although there are a few video game series I have enjoyed for years. To all the parents who are afraid to say "No"... It's ok. Go ahead and say it. And just in case they forget, I'll say "THANKS Mom, THANKS Dad!!" right now.