By his late sixties, Ken Solin was in a rut. He had been dating on and off for about 10 years following a divorce, and he realized he was choosing the same kind of person repeatedly. So he reached out on an online dating site to a woman far different than his usual type–and they clicked. That was five years ago. Solin, now 72, and his partner just moved in together.
"What it takes more than anything to meet someone when you're older is stamina," says Solin, a voice actor who records audio books and lives in Mexico. "You have to be willing to stick with it for as long as it requires."
Finding romance at any stage of life can be complicated, but older singles face additional hurdles. Some, like Solin, are looking for love after divorce, or they are widowed after a long marriage. They often have to figure out online dating for the first time, from posting a profile picture to setting up coffee dates.
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
Their experiences are mostly without precedent, given that previous generations didn't enjoy the longer life expectancies that allow late-in-life dating. And even with older baby boomers changing the nature of the senior dating scene, senior romances and sexuality are still little-understood topics, says Pepper Schwartz, a University of Washington sociology professor and AARP's relationships expert.
"There's a lot of ageism about romance and sex," says Schwartz. "You'd almost think that everybody died at age 70 for the lack of conversation about it." But Americans widowed in their fifties or sixties could live into their eighties or nineties. A lot of people say they don't want to be single for that long. "They still have a need for romance and love," Schwartz says.
Looking for Love at Retirement Age
One advantage for older daters: The dating pool is growing. The divorce rate among adults ages 50 and older has roughly doubled since the 1990s, according to the Pew Research Center. In addition, more seniors are going online to look for love; the share of 55- to 64-year-olds who use online dating services doubled, from 6% in 2013 to 12% in 2015, Pew found.
There's also less of a stigma around elderly romance–you can enlist an adult child as your wingman, to get you online or to meet people, says Schwartz.
To succeed as you begin dating again, be deliberate about your search, says Marge Coffey, 73, a Chevy Chase, Md., therapist who counsels single seniors and who met her partner online. Decide this is going to be your part-time job for the next few months, she says.
If you're going online, enlist supportive friends to help. Then start with your profile picture, Coffey says. Hiring a professional photographer could cost between $300 and $700, but professionally shot photos could help create the right first impression. "You have to get your foot in the door," says Coffey. When writing your profile, avoid cliched phrases that age you, such as describing how you enjoy long walks on the beach.
Or, if online dating seems daunting, look for new social outlets. Join a neighborhood investment club, or take classes at a museum. "You have to give yourself the opening to be doing new things and meeting new people," Schwartz says.
If you connect with someone, you'll still have some challenges. If being in an intimate relationship is important to you, make that clear after a few dates, Coffey says. Otherwise you might feel like you wasted time with a potential partner who didn't have the same interest. If a date seems overly curious in your finances, consider it a huge red flag and cut things off. And make sure "you have your armor on" to tolerate dates that disappear even after you thought things were going well.
If you aren't having much luck, try a dating coach. Be sure to ask for references and check backgrounds carefully; fees will vary. Solin serves as a senior dating coach and charges about $125 an hour.
Finally, be patient. Finding the right person can take time. "When you started to get serious when you were young, it was never easy," Schwartz says. "It's not easy now. But it can be a lot of fun."
-
TJX Stock: Wall Street Stays Bullish After EarningsTJX stock is trading lower Wednesday despite the TJ Maxx owner's beat-and-raise quarter, but analysts aren't worried. Here's why.
-
Beware Three Medicare Open Enrollment ScamsCrooks are perfecting Medicare Open Enrollment scams to try to steal your money or personal information.
-
457 Plan Contribution Limits for 2025Retirement plans There are higher 457 plan contribution limits for state and local government workers in 2025 than in 2024.
-
Medicare Basics: 11 Things You Need to KnowMedicare There's Medicare Part A, Part B, Part D, Medigap plans, Medicare Advantage plans and so on. We sort out the confusion about signing up for Medicare — and much more.
-
Six of the Worst Assets to Inheritinheritance Leaving these assets to your loved ones may be more trouble than it’s worth. Here's how to avoid adding to their grief after you're gone.
-
SEP IRA Contribution Limits for 2024 and 2025SEP IRA A good option for small business owners, SEP IRAs allow individual annual contributions of as much as $69,000 in 2024 and $70,000 in 2025..
-
Roth IRA Contribution Limits for 2024 and 2025Roth IRAs Roth IRA contribution limits have gone up. Here's what you need to know.
-
SIMPLE IRA Contribution Limits for 2024 and 2025simple IRA The SIMPLE IRA contribution limit increased by $500 for 2025. Workers at small businesses can contribute up to $16,500 or $20,000 if 50 or over and $21,750 if 60-63.
-
457 Contribution Limits for 2024
retirement plans State and local government workers can contribute more to their 457 plans in 2024 than in 2023.
-
Roth 401(k) Contribution Limits for 2025retirement plans The Roth 401(k) contribution limit for 2024 is increasing, and workers who are 50 and older can save even more.
