Q: My husband and I are quite well off (some would say rich), but we've always lived simply and given generously to charity. Our daughter is marrying a young man from a family of similar means but apparently different values.
Everyone involved in planning the nuptials (our daughter, her fiance and his parents) seems intent on a lavish wedding and honeymoon -- except us, who by tradition are expected to pay for all this. We believe the money could be spent better -- say, by investing for the couple's future or donating to charity. Any suggestions for our dilemma?
First, talk with your daughter and her future husband and raise your ethical concerns in as caring a way as you can. And consider this alternative to paying for a wedding that strikes you as excessive: Offer to give the couple a significant financial gift to start them off in their lives together. Tell them that they may spend the money in any way they wish -- including using some or all of it to pay for their wedding and honeymoon. But make it clear that the money is all that they will receive from you in the foreseeable future.
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
I hope that they will be struck by your generosity, and even more by the reality that whatever portion of your gift that they don't spend on the wedding will be available for such things as a down payment on a home, furnishings, the start of savings accounts for their future children or donations to their college alma maters. This might give them an incentive to economize on the wedding. But if it doesn't, don't grouse about the choices they make.
You could also talk with the groom's parents about doing something similar, rather than giving the engaged couple carte blanche on the wedding budget. It would be useful for both families to present a united front. But hold to your resolve even if the other folks balk at your idea.
Have a money-and-ethics question you'd like answered in this column? Write to Editor in Chief Knight Kiplinger at ethics@kiplinger.com.
-
Embracing Generative AI for Financial SuccessGenerative AI has the potential to reshape how we approach learning about and managing our personal finances.
-
Gen X Retirement Is in Trouble: Here's What You Can DoEven as they approach retirement age, half of Gen Xers have not done any retirement planning.
-
Five Reasons You Shouldn't Shop on Amazon Prime DaySmart Buying Think twice before getting lured into buying a bunch of stuff you don't need just because it's on sale.
-
Best Cash Back Credit Cards December 2024Smart Buying Trying to compare the best cash back credit cards? Unlike most reviewers, we include cards from small banks and credit unions, as well as from large issuers.
-
How to Spend $1,000: Find Cheap (or Free) Online Courses to Build Career SkillsSmart Buying There's a huge array of skill-building online courses that can level up your career for under $1,000.
-
MoviePass is Relaunching. Should You Sign Up?Smart Buying The subscription discount movie card company has a checkered past and an army of disillusioned former cardholders. If you want to try the reboot, you’ll need to hurry.
-
HBO Max Is Offering Huge DiscountsSmart Buying Looking for a streaming service deal? Warner Bros. Discovery is cutting the price of HBO Max.
-
Are You Streaming Too Much? What the Discovery+/HBO Max Mashup MeansSmart Buying Fewer original scripted series? Maybe. And maybe it’s time to unsubscribe.
-
PODCAST: Is a Recession Coming?Smart Buying With a lot of recession talk out there, we might just talk ourselves into one. We take that risk with Jim Patterson of The Kiplinger Letter. Also, dollar stores: deal or no deal?
-
What to Expect from the 2022 Summer Travel SeasonTravel Travelers have been dealing with the trials and tribulations of canceled trips and elusive refunds for nearly two years. It will get better this year.
