Q. My husband and I have been invited to a wedding, and the couple’s gift registry has no merchandise — just lots of ideas of what they would do with cash gifts from their wedding guests. Call us old-fashioned, but we’re put off by this request for money. Any suggestions?
A. This is more a matter of etiquette than ethics. There is nothing unethical about the bridal couple making such a request (although it may be a little crass), and there is no moral dimension to your response. You have no obligation to give them anything if you’re not going to the wedding, and if you do go, you are free to send any kind of gift you wish.
A wedding gift is traditionally a way to congratulate the couple and help them get established in their new household. Alternatives to conventional gift registries (online or in a local store) are flourishing, and my favorites encourage donations to charities that the engaged couple supports, instead of (or in addition to) a gift to them. This works especially well for older couples who already have one or more households and probably don’t need more kitchen equipment.
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
As for cash gifts: If you were okay with spending a certain amount on a gift, why not send the couple the same amount in cash? Do you think this feels too impersonal because they’ll never think kindly of you each time they use the coffeemaker you sent? Or do you not want them to be tempted to blow their wedding cash on a trip to Vegas? I share your concerns on both fronts.
My wife and I recently received a wedding invitation from a young couple who were moving across the country, wanted to travel light and had no idea what they’d need in their new home, so they said they’d love to have cash instead. But we decided that, whenever they settle down somewhere, they’ll need useful things from a hardware or housewares store. So we gave them a gift certificate instead of cash.
This response was originally written by Kiplinger in 2014.
Related Content
-
6 Stunning Waterfront Homes for Sale Around the USFrom private peninsulas to lakes, bayous and beyond, Kiplinger's "Listed" series brings you another selection of dream homes for sale on the waterfront.
-
Six Reasons to Disinherit Someone and How to Do ItWhether you're navigating a second marriage, dealing with an estranged relative or leaving your assets to charity, there are reasons to disinherit someone. Here's how.
-
How to Get Apple TV Plus for just $2.99For a limited time, you can get three months of Apple TV Plus for just $2.99 per month. Here’s how to get the deal.
-
Don’t Panic About the “Retail Blackout” – See Which Stores Are Closing (and Which Aren’t) for Easter 2025Dozens of major retailers are planning to close their doors on April 20. Find out which of your go-to stores are on the list.
-
Home Insurance: How to Cut Costs Without Losing CoverageNatural disasters are causing home insurance premiums to soar, but don't risk dropping your coverage completely when there are ways to keep costs down.
-
Why Homeowners Insurance Has Gotten So Very ExpensiveThe home insurance industry is seeing more frequent and bigger claims because of weather, wildfires and other natural disasters.
-
Zelle App Shut Down? Why Zelle Has Discontinued Its AppWith the Zelle app shut down, learn how you can still use Zelle and which other mobile payment apps you might want to consider.
-
How to Lower Home Insurance Rates When Climate Change Increases CostsA top insurer warns the damage climate change causes is making it cost-prohibitive for insurers in some areas. Learn how to protect your home and lower costs.
-
Use This 1-Year CD if You’ll Owe Taxes Next YearA one-year CD allows you to set money aside now for taxes you'll owe next year. We'll show our best choice.
-
Stick to the Plan: Don't Panic During Economic UncertaintyTake a breath and step back. Focus on a solid fiscal foundation to stabilize your investments during stock market volatility.
