While Winding Down After Holidays, Many Wind Up for Divorce

An older couple sit on the sofa looking sad and with their backs to each other.

(Image credit: Getty Images)

By Neale Godfrey, Financial Literacy Expert

published 26 December 2024

Here you are at home with your loved ones, celebrating your Yuletide traditions. In fact, Norman Rockwell could have captured your “joy.” Joy? Not so fast. Turn the Rockwell picture over, peel off the shaky frame and see what is really happening in its shadows to many families.

Studies have shown that January is one of the busiest times of the year for divorce filings. In fact, almost one-third of filings are done during this time; that’s why January is called Divorce Month. And the holidays can be the breaking point.

Do not start researching how mistletoe and eggnog cause the downfall of the American marriage, and don’t blame Aunt Sarah for the after-effects of her new rum-based cranberry sauce recipe. These issues were boiling way before the cranberries were

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Couples don’t really want to split up before the holidays. There also are more pragmatic tax reasons to wait until after the tree has been taken down, or the Hanukkah candles have burned out. But more and more women are beginning to speak up.

Wash that man right out of your hair

There is a new phenomenon happening. Divorce when you are over 50 years old is growing, really growing. We refer to divorce over 50 as gray divorce. In fact, for Americans over age 55, the divorce rate has doubled since 1990, and for couples over 65, the rate has tripled. Even more interesting: Women are initiating the split-ups.

There are many reasons why women are initiating divorces. One may be that they may have had a long-term marriage and dropped out of the workforce to raise the kids and take care of the dog and have given Martha Stewart a run for her money creating the perfect holidays. But the kids are gone, along with the dog, and when they now look across the breakfast table and ask their husband to, “Please pass the butter,” tears may fall as they may also say, “And I want a divorce.”

Often, the fire has fizzled out of the marriage, and spouses no longer share the things they did. The wife may have just “sucked it up” to stay in the marriage. Let’s face it, if she was born in 1930, she was expected to live only until age 62. Women today are expected to live nearly two decades longer. This means that a woman asking for a gray divorce has a lot of life to still live, and if she doesn’t want to live it with him, she has found her voice.

How women fare financially in a gray divorce (not well)

A gray divorce puts women at financial risk. In fact, a woman’s household income can drop as much as 40%, while a man’s income can even rise. The impact of divorce for younger generations is less pronounced because they may still be in the workforce.

Let’s not forget that there is still a gender pay gap, so a woman will earn less on average. And if she dropped out of the workforce to raise kids, it’s tough to get back into corporate America after years away, not to mention the lost Social Security deductions, lost wages and, therefore, lost savings.

I felt that this new phenomenon was so important that I have written a new book just to help women in this situation. My book, Get Off Your Assets: A Women’s Guide to Avoid Getting Screwed in Your Gray Divorce, addresses women who are considering gray divorce, are knee-deep in it or are coming out of one.

Protect and plan

If you’re a woman getting a gray divorce, I promise that you are not a victim to this — you can take charge of your financial life and design a new way forward.

Here are some things to consider:

Protect. Your first job is to get a handle on your financial life. Many women have turned the financial reins over to their husbands. They may not like to deal with money issues, didn’t care or just trusted him to do it all. It’s time to really get involved, with every detail.

Plan. You need to design your own financial future. Start to make a list of goals — where you want to live, will you want to travel, what do you want to do for entertainment, etc., and put a price tag next to each one. This will start to make it clear if you can or can’t, for instance, stay in the family home or have to move.

Team You. Do not think that you can do this by yourself. You need a team of trusted advisers who do this for a living, including:

A lawyer. Women tend to think, “He loved me. He would never want to hurt me.” Men tend to think of money as the business side of life. Leave that “love” thinking at the door. If you were to go into business with someone, you would trust your new business partner, but of course you would also have your own lawyer. Start with that mindset and educate yourself about your legal rights. Do not use his lawyer. You need to have your own person who is representing only you.
Financial advisers/accountants. You will need financial people to help you navigate the finances of the past and to help you build a new financial way forward. Take stock (pun intended) of all of the assets and sources of income in the relationship, including retirement accounts, Social Security, pensions, inheritances, real estate, investments, trust funds and personal property. Also, try to look at expenses that you each have incurred and what you have incurred together. Some debt may not be obvious, like student loans or loans to family or friends. This will help with the unraveling of your life together and help you to design your new solo life.

I’m here to help you every step of the way. Remember, you need not define yourself by your circumstances, but by how you deal with them.

Disclaimer

This article was written by and presents the views of our contributing adviser, not the Kiplinger editorial staff. You can check adviser records with the SEC or with FINRA.

Neale Godfrey is a New York Times #1 best-selling author of 27 books, which empower families (and their kids and grandkids) to take charge of their financial lives. Godfrey started her journey with The Chase Manhattan Bank, joining as one of the first female executives, and later became president of The First Women's Bank and founder of The First Children's Bank. Neale pioneered the topic of "kids and money," which took off after her 13 appearances on "The Oprah Winfrey Show." www.nealegodfrey.com