Key to a Happy Retirement? Finding Yourself

A hiker stands at the base of a waterfall and looks up at it.

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Retirement is a significant milestone that can bring a mix of emotions. For some, it's a long-awaited freedom to pursue passions and dreams. However, for others, it can be a daunting transition marked by uncertainty and a loss of identity tied to a career. In this article, we will explore the importance of identity, particularly during the retirement phase, and how discovering a deeper, more authentic you could make a significant difference during the retirement years.

Retirement is not just a change in routine; it is a transition in identity. Many individuals have built their sense of self around their careers, job titles and achievements. Some folks delay their retirement date for fear of not knowing who they are or what they will do.

Therefore, when the time comes to bid farewell to the workplace, they are left questioning who they are beyond their professional roles. It is crucial to recognize that retirement is a journey of self-discovery, where individuals are forced to confront the question: What makes me me?

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While certain behaviors may feel like part of one's identity, they can be limiting and prevent individuals from fully embracing the opportunities and joys of retirement. Let's explore some examples:

The Workaholic. Individuals who define themselves solely by their work become stagnate if they don’t find a purpose for their energy. One challenge is that such individuals may have used work to escape their relationships at home.

The Caregiver. If all you are doing is taking care of others, you neglect yourself and burn out. Giving to others starts with having a personal boundary and learning how and when to say “no.”

The Control Freak. If all you know is telling people what to do and when to do it, you will struggle with meaningful friendships and fail to experience an abundance during retirement. Learn to listen and be present.

The Perfectionist. This is a miserable way to live because you can’t let go. Practice the 80% rule: Get things done to 80% good enough. After that, it’s diminishing returns.

The Pessimist. You’re not a realist; you’re creating negative energy without solutions. Eliminate the glass-is-half-empty-or-half-full approach. Practice the neutral approach: That glass is at 50%.

The Martyr. This is self-medicating because you’re not connecting in a healthy manner. Look to make friends instead of taking hostages.

The Busy Bee. Practice being productive instead of busy. Learn to prioritize your time instead of managing it.

The Lone Wolf. Radical independence is the other end of codependence. It’s a different way to medicate your pain of not connecting and a lack of trust.

The Materialist. Keeping up with the Joneses or being the richest man in the graveyard does not create happiness, just a lack of fulfillment with more toys and things.

The Gossip. You don’t have friends; you have empty souls hanging around you who have neither an identity nor a purpose in life, and all of you feel empty, medicating a lack of connection.

At its core, identity is the essence of who we are, comprising traits, beliefs, values and experiences that shape our uniqueness based on universal principles. Our identities are often shaped by external factors, such as our jobs and societal expectations. However, true authenticity lies in being true to ourselves and shaping our lives based on a deep internal understanding.

As we transition into retirement, our identity determines our purpose. The fulfillment we experience stems from living out our purpose. The five core drives of identity and purpose are:

Connecting is our innate drive to connect and attach to our community.
Learning is the constant drive to learn, grow and change.
Authenticity is discovering our true, best and authentic selves.
Purpose is living in a way that supports our authentic self.
Happiness, joy and well-being are the innate drives we search for, and when we don’t experience them, it hurts, and when it hurts, we medicate with harmful behavior.

Retirement can bring about new challenges and potential feelings of failure. It is essential to prepare for this phase by discovering our true selves and commencing the healing process. We can find happiness and joy in retirement by replacing misapplied or dysfunctional behaviors with ones that align with our authentic selves.

Here are three actionable steps you can employ now:

Develop a new skill that you’ve always wanted (guitar, painting, language).
Repair or develop a relationship with a loved one.
Join a social, running or exercise club or group to meet new people.

Retirement is not just a time to stop working; it is an opportunity for self-discovery and embracing a new sense of identity and purpose. Retirees can develop a more authentic and fulfilling sense of self by recognizing and addressing dysfunctional patterns and behaviors. Embracing our true identity and purpose in retirement allows us to find happiness, joy and well-being in this new chapter of our lives.

Disclaimer

This article was written by and presents the views of our contributing adviser, not the Kiplinger editorial staff. You can check adviser records with the SEC or with FINRA.

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Dr. Richard Himmer is a seasoned professional with expertise in Emotional Intelligence (EI), Clinical Hypnotherapy and Workplace Bullying prevention. He holds an MBA, a master’s degree in psychology and a PhD in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. He combines academic knowledge with practical experience. His doctoral dissertation focused on the Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Workplace Bullying, showcasing his commitment to understanding and addressing complex workplace dynamics. Dr. Himmer leverages the subconscious (EI) to facilitate internal healing, fostering healthy interpersonal relationships built on trust and respect.