Before You Remarry: 10 Important Things to Consider

When Linda Ori filed for divorce after more than three decades of marriage, she shifted into recovery mode after losing her home and the shared assets they accumulated during their marriage.

When she remarried seven years ago, she and her new husband agreed to keep their finances separate. Everything, from mortgage and utility bills to home repairs and vacations, is split 50-50.

She covers costs for her own children, their spouses and 10 grandchildren. He does the same for his two children. She has a will and trust that divides her assets among her four sons and their families but leaves nothing to him or his children.

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“He is not in there because he has his own plans,” she says. “So that kind of worked out.”

Welcome to the world of second or third marriages, typically fraught with a boatload of extras that might include children as well as financial assets and debt. Weaving two separate lives together later in life can be a different story than when you’re young and unencumbered.

“It’s perfectly OK to start out with very separate financials,” says Tara Lawson, vice president and senior wealth strategist at U.S. Bank. But she advises getting a prenuptial agreement before the wedding day. That also goes for couples embarking on their first marriage.

Besides prenups, here are 10 things to consider before walking down the aisle a second, third, fourth or whatever time.

1. Be sure you're ready to remarry

Love is grand, but infatuation at 50 or 60 or 70 is a different fairy tale than at 20 or 30. Whether you're widowed or divorced, marriage isn’t something you should jump back into without considering the emotional and financial impact it might have on you, any children and your lifestyle.

Marriage is a legal union with responsibilities that run from financial support for any minors in the marriage (and, in some cases, after they reach adulthood), liability for family expenses, sharing income and property acquired during the marriage and spousal support if there’s a divorce.

2. Speaking of the divorce decree, make sure you read it

That divorce decree proves that your last marriage is legally over, allowing you to remarry. But you may have forgotten what’s in it. Lawson recommends checking for loopholes that could potentially affect new nuptials.

Take spousal support, for example. “That might be a reason why someone says we're not going to get remarried for a few more years because support is really critical to me getting back on my feet,” she says. “What does my divorce decree tell me I have to do? That's all part of the equation.”

3. Social Security benefits — should you remarry?

That’s a tough question with a nuanced answer from the Social Security Administration (SSA).

Let’s start with your age and marital status. If you’re divorced and were married for at least 10 years, you may be able to collect up to half of your ex’s benefits if they are greater than what you would receive on your own. To be eligible for those benefits, however, you must be at least 62 when you apply and you didn’t remarry before you turned 60.

When you hit full retirement age, you may be eligible for retirement benefits from your ex’s (if you haven’t remarried) or current spouse’s record if the benefit amount is higher than yours. If your later marriage ends by annulment, divorce or death, you may be able to tap into the former spouse’s benefits, again if they’re more than yours.

Even if your ex remarries, you may still be eligible for Social Security benefits and survivor benefits. You can collect your own Social Security benefits while your ex is alive but can apply for a higher widow/widower’s rate, which is generally 100% of their basic benefit, when they die, again if you still have not remarried, according to SSA.

If you remarry before you’re 60, the survivor benefits end. If you remarry after, you may be eligible for survivor benefits or benefits based on your new spouse’s benefits, but not both. However, if that latter marriage ends, you can re-apply for survivor benefits due the former spouse, according to SSA.

Those benefits do not affect the ex’s or a current spouse’s benefits if your spouse has remarried. Yes, this is all rather confusing, so check the Social Security website before making any decisions related to benefits.

4. Prenuptial agreements aren't just for the rich

When it comes to second and third-plus marriages, a prenup goes beyond the division of assets if the marriage fails; it can act as a will and a guide to managing finances during the marriage. And it lets the couple, not the state they live in, dictate how the marriage contract will be written.

“The prenup is an agreement that protects you from the assumptions that might happen. But you can change things,” she says. “It might say on day one, everything goes to my kids, but 20 years down the road, you may want to leave them certain assets, and that’s perfectly fine.”

5. Postnuptials — can we face finances now?

If the money talk was sensitive before the wedding, a signed marriage certificate might make it easier to tackle. Like prenups, a postnup is a contract that sets guidelines for dividing assets and liabilities, plus child support and alimony. It can include assets obtained as marital property and/or assets each brought into the marriage.

Beware, however, that some states don’t regard postnups with the same level of deference as prenups, and will toss them if they are considered unfair, fraudulent or inked under duress, coercion or amid a challenged mental capacity state.

6. Child support doesn't end for minors

Child support is the responsibility of the biological parents while the children are minors. Remarrying does not end that, nor does it have an impact on the parenting plan in the divorce decree. Generally, a new spouse’s income is not considered in child support calculations, though that differs from state to state.

In California, for example, the exception is “in rare cases where not considering the new spouse’s income would cause extreme and severe hardship” to the offspring involved, according to Roseville-based McKean Family Law. Because California is a community property state, “a new spouse’s income may increase a parent’s taxable income, pushing them into a higher tax bracket, and that may have an effect on the parent’s level of support.”

7. Alimony does expire

In nearly every instance, an alimony-receiving spouse stops getting those funds when he or she remarries. And they’re lost forever, even if the new spouse dies or the marriage is annulled.

Alimony can be taken away, too, even if you haven’t remarried. In New York and New Jersey, for example, if the supported spouse is in a new relationship that provides financial support and shared housing, but isn’t married, “a divorce court can reduce or eliminate alimony payment obligations,” according to the law firm Kantrowitz, Goldhamer & Graifman.

8. Estate planning is a must

Blended families create unique complexities. Estate planning factors in the needs of your children, your spouse, his or her children and any you may have together. It is important to lay out your wishes and protect your offspring with wills and trusts should you die before your spouse. Without it, your spouse is free to do whatever he or she may want with your property – including disinheriting your children.

9. Update beneficiaries on all policies

Lawson tells the story of a client who went to a mortgage closing with her fiancé and asked for witnesses to update their wills. The client warned her fiancé, “If something happens to me tomorrow, you will co-own the house with my mom. How do you feel about that?”

“We’ve seen multiple times people don’t update insurance or beneficiary designations after a divorce,” she says. “All of a sudden, they’ve been divorced for 10 years, they pass away, and their ex-husband gets their life insurance, IRAs, and other assets — that’s not what they wanted.”

10. A healthcare power of attorney dictates who makes emergency decisions

Do you want your spouse to make those decisions? It’s important to discuss because he or she is the de facto next of kin. Will they be able to make an unemotional decision during a life-or-death situation? “If you don’t want your spouse to be your healthcare power of attorney, you absolutely need to make that clear to them and to all of your doctors,” Lawson says.

Note: This item first appeared in the Kiplinger Retirement Report, our popular monthly periodical that covers key concerns of affluent older Americans who are retired or preparing for retirement. Subscribe for retirement advice that’s right on the money.

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